4 Ways To Calm A Baby Dragon

Our morning started out a little rough today. My youngest came into my room this morning before I was even out of bed and asked for a hard boiled egg. I told him they were all gone. He said, “I already took one.” I said, “You didn’t try to crack it open did you?” He said, “Yes. It’s all over the table and chair.” So before I even had my morning coffee, I had to wipe up a slimy egg mess. I didn’t react,I just wiped it up. He had even tried to wipe it himself with a towel, which I sort of appreciated, but it really wasn’t helpful.

We put that mess behind us and somehow became distracted looking at toy dragons on Amazon together and lost track of time. He was becoming over hungry and overstimulated from looking at my computer screen and I could tell it was going to be a downhill slide. When he starts to unravel he becomes like a fierce, fire-breathing baby dragon. I put some food in front of him to hopefully stop his emotional spiral.

He ate breakfast and then came into my bedroom very upset and dysregulated. He needed to calm his little body. For some reason I decided to sit in a meditation pose and quieted my own body first. He was still angry and started crawling under my bed. I started tapping and he yelled, “Stop moving!” I went back to my still meditation pose. I took a deep breath, and in my mind I said, “Breathe in love”. As I exhaled a deep breath out, I said to myself, “Breathe out stress.” After a few minutes I started to do some yoga poses and then ended in a child’s pose. I was feeling calm and relaxed, even with a baby dragon under my bed.

Photo by Jaymantri on Pexels.com

After just a few minutes my baby dragon slowly came out from under the bed. I stayed in my child’s pose as he grabbed pillows from my bed and laid them on top of me. After he piled 6 pillows on and around my body he climbed on top of me too. I now understand how pressure and weight can be calming, not to mention the darkness from being buried under the pillows. I could feel his small, warm hand touch mine. I grabbed it and held on.

His anger had completely disappeared in a matter of minutes. He wasn’t a baby dragon anymore. He was a happy little boy again. He asked, “Want to play?” I said, ” Sure.” So I had him lay down and put the pillows on top of him with some added pressure from my body. When he said stop, I stopped. He emerged from the pile of pillows and they scattered around us. We snuggled up in the dragon nest and just laid there together for a while breathing in this calm, quiet moment of connection.

My son is very sensitive, like myself. We take in all the commotion around us and seem to be hyper-aware of the energy of others. This little experiment was a great demonstration of the law of attraction. When you feel calm and loving your child will attract towards you with the same feelings. Your child needs you to be present and hold space for them when they are struggling. This will help them feel safe and regulate.

When you are disconnected, stressed, and not present, your child will feel the same. When he is in a state of dysregulation and then feels your stress on top of it, even if you are not aware of it, he will go into fight or flight. So, it’s really pretty simple. If you can change your energy level to a calm, positive, present state you can change your outcome to the same.

Four Steps To Calm Your BABY Dragon:

  1. BE Quiet
  2. BE STILL
  3. BE PRESENT
  4. Breathe in love

I was reading a story this afternoon with my son. It was called What Makes You Happy? It talked about all kinds of silly things that might make a kid happy. I asked my son, “What makes YOU happy?” I was shocked by his wise answer. I thought he was going to tell me riding his bike or watching his favorite show. His profound answer for a 5 year-old was, “Getting love.” Kids don’t want to make our lives hard, they just want love.

~Do Better & Shine

Joy Is A Mindset

I wrote this blog before the worldwide craziness of the coronavirus set in and never published it. When I read through it again just now the things that triggered me of course seem pretty trivial at this point, as compared to what many people in the world are experiencing. I decided to go ahead and publish it anyway, because more than ever, being stuck in quarantine, I think the whole world needs to remember that joy is a mindset. Here is what I wrote:

Today I decided to stay open to joy. My day started off really well. I was able to enjoy a cup of coffee and steal a little time for myself. This motivated me to even squeeze in some yoga. After yoga I was feeling the joy flowing through my body, which inspired me to do a little work on my computer.

The thing is, as a mom, it seems the more I try to tune into myself for a little self-care, the more things start to unravel around me without me even noticing. Oh, how I love my breaks, a chance to stop with all the multi-tasking for awhile, but kids need attention. And when they don’t get what they need things just seem to fall apart.

I can feel in my body when the stress in the house starts to build up. Kids need to be pulled in so they can begin to regulate again. I had filled myself up, but what were the the kids doing during this time? The opposite I guess, because as I fill myself up, they are now running on empty.

I think about my mindset, and instead of getting annoyed, I try to get myself back on track. The sun is shining, but still only 47 degrees. I will tell myself it is a beautiful day outside, although still a bit chilly for my taste. I decide to send all the kids outside.

It’s a solid plan on paper, but my children think it is spring and, surprise, my teens choose to not dress appropriately for the weather. My daughter, along with other neighborhood kids, is wearing just a sweatshirt. I am not impressed, but am able to let it go because I know teens need to try and look cool. My teen son, on the other hand, is wearing just a long sleeve t-shirt. Again, I could have just let this go; it’s his body after all, and sometimes kids do need to learn from experience. If he wants to freeze, it’s his choice.

Still, my mindset quickly changes from calm to annoyed. My children making poor choices is a trigger for me. I know wearing a t-shirt is not a life or death situation, but for some reason my brain tells me it is. I can’t let it go; I open the window and yell at him to put a sweatshirt on. I can’t believe how one little experience closed off my joy and sent me straight to irritated.

Worse, I made the mistake of sending my youngest outside with my teens. I dressed him up in snow pants, coat, hat, mittens. The teens chuckled when they saw him, actually dressed appropriately for the weather. My hope was that they could keep an eye on him outside, but they are too distracted by the other neighborhood kids in the yard and want little to do with a four-year-old when their friends are over.

I decided to be kind and relieve them of this babysitting duty, so I got dressed to go out and get some fresh air and sunshine myself, so they could just hang with their friends. As I walk outside, I see that my son is soaking wet from head to toes, running through deep puddles as the muddy water splashes around him. Of course it’s predictable; since the big kids are ignoring him, he tries to get attention through his dysregulated behavior. My “joy” mindset immediately disappears again!

Thoughts of joy from breathing in some fresh air quickly turn to sadness, when I have to chase down a red-zone kid and carry his soaking-wet body back in the house for a time-in with mom. I peel off the wet snow clothes and take him straight to his room to change and get back in the green zone.

As I look around his room, it looks similar to the typhoon that I just scooped up from outside and carried in. His room is just as messy as he is. How do I get back to a joyful mindset? My brain goes straight to “overwhelm” as I know this is going to be a time-consuming clean-up job that he won’t be able to accomplish alone.

I stop and take some deep breaths, with my son now swaddled in dry clothes on my lap.

I remember joy is a mindset, and I realize that it is my own preferences that are limiting my joy in this moment. I breathe in again, and try to let all my preferences go, as hard as that sometimes can be.

I prefer regulated kids. I prefer kids who make good choices. I prefer kids who clean their rooms. Breathe again. Let my preferences go.

And then, the realization and acceptance. These are my triggers that have nothing to do with my kids. These are small things in life that can steal my joy on a daily basis, if I let them. If I want to stop feeling these difficult emotions of sadness, disappointment, frustration and overwhelm, I am the one who needs to change my mindset. I am the one who needs to get a handle on my triggers; I am the one who needs to choose joy over frustration.

Depending on your life circumstances, this can be easier said than done. However, if you are lucky enough to live in a household that offers up extreme challenges on a daily (even moment-to-moment!) basis, you will have even more opportunities to practice keeping a joyful, positive mindset. And I know that when I do happen to succeed, it is much more likely that the rest of my family will be able to follow.

~Do Better & Shine

Practice Stillness

It’s what everyone is looking for, yet sometimes it’s hard to slow down and find it. I am talking about complete stillness with nothing else going on in the background. When is the last time you were completely still? No music, no phone, no Youtube, just YOU!

If we want to practice stillness, one of our best teachers is our pets. I have a dog that can do this for hours a day. Can you imagine how relaxing that would be? She just finds a cozy spot, usually right in my bed, maybe even on my pillow and curls up. I don’t think she has any other thoughts rushing through her mind, she is just enjoying the quiet, warmth, and stillness. She is so good at taking deep breaths. Your dog can teach you how to do this too. All you have to do is be still and listen.

If you want to practice, wait until your dog is in a quiet restful state and go snuggle up and get close. Put your ear to your dog’s heart and listen. You will hear long, deep, slow breaths. Try to follow along. Be still, close your eyes and just breathe. Stay in this place for one minute, or as long as you like. Ahhh.

I know your days are busy, but whenever you have a moment, remember this feeling of being still and try to come back to it. Visualize yourself cozied up with your warm pup, remember the sound of your pups deep breaths and pretend you are back in this warm, soft place. As you imagine this picture in your mind take a long deep breath in and let that same long breath out.

This is such an amazing, full sensory experience that your mind should be able to recreate it in any moment . When life is feeling crazy and your body is craving some peace, no matter where you are, take your mind back to this experience and just breathe and be still. Ahhh.

Do Better & Shine

Lizard Brain

I am thrilled that my youngest son has a teacher that specifically teaches classes in mindfulness. It is probably not practiced enough, but I am happy to know that it does exist. I wish I had more knowledge of exactly what is being taught, but for now I am going by what my four-year old tells me.

He has shown me different breaths he has learned to calm his body. His favorite is called the “Volcano Breath”. When I was doing Yoga at home the other day he heard the instructor say, “Lion’s Breath” and he told me he learned that breath in school. He said I was doing it wrong and showed me how to do it correctly, letting out a big lion roar. I was also surprised when he told me he had a “Lizard Brain”. He could not put into words what it meant, but when I told him how his “lizard brain” keeps him safe, he understood. He also told me his teacher had a lizard puppet.

So last night after two very long weeks of winter break, lots of traveling, and probably not enough sleep, I decided my youngest should take a bath before bed to be ready for school the next day. He was already being pretty bossy, so I should have known this might not go well. When it came time to wash hair he insisted on doing it himself. When he didn’t get his hair quite wet enough, I took it upon myself to pour a cup of water over his head when he wasn’t expecting it.

His “lizard brain” went into full effect! His first response is to fight! So he takes his hands and give me three big splashes, soaking my clothes. I was not happy, but I also did not react. I could feel myself going into “lizard brain” mode too, but after years of practice, I am finally able to recognize it and move on. His next response is to tell me he doesn’t love me. He knows exactly what to say to stab my heart and get revenge. At this point the option of washing his hair was over unless I was going to go into full on battle with him. He was mad. I was very frustrated. We both needed to calm down. I helped him out of the tub, but I was in no mood to help him with anything else.

He went downstairs and sat in his rocking chair wrapped up in blankets. I sat on my bed and took some deep breaths. Once I regained some composure and compassion, yet still damp from being splashed, I went into the fridge and brought him a slice of cake for a bedtime snack. He ate half the cake, too tired to be completely happy about it. I helped him get his pajamas on, he brushed his teeth and hopped straight into bed. I asked if I could snuggle with him and he said, “No, I hate you.” I said, “Maybe tomorrow.” I told him, just like I told my older kids when they were little, “I love you always and forever and no matter what.” He closed his eyes and went to sleep.

When I came into the kitchen this morning he was eating his cereal. I asked if I could sit down beside him. After thinking about it for a moment he said, “Yes.” I asked him if he still loved me today and he said, “Yes, I do.” We talked about what happened last night. I know he felt bad for splashing me and I told him that it wasn’t really him that splashed me, it was his “lizard brain.” Sometimes our emotions completely take over and our lizard gets out of his cage. Even though it is not a life or death situation, sometimes our brain does not take that into consideration and just goes right to fight or flight. Some kids are super sensitive and go here more easily than others.

Everyone has a “lizard brain”, we just need to learn to recognize it. I told my son we need to try to keep our lizard in its cage when we don’t really need it. A little water over our head is not the same as having to survive if we are drowning. If it comes out of the cage by mistake, we can practice our volcano breaths or our lion breaths to put it back where it belongs. We can snuggle up in our blanket and rock. We can get a good night’s sleep, or do whatever else helps calm our brain and body.

This takes years of practice. Many adults still don’t even recognize their lizard brain and why their lizard charged out of its cage in a particular moment. You are way ahead of the game learning this at age four. We will keep practicing. The more we practice the more we understand our emotions and are able to have a little more control over them. You did all the right things to get yourself back on track. Sometimes we just need to sleep on it too. Everything looks better in the morning!

~DO BETTER & Shine