4 Ways To Calm A Baby Dragon

Our morning started out a little rough today. My youngest came into my room this morning before I was even out of bed and asked for a hard boiled egg. I told him they were all gone. He said, “I already took one.” I said, “You didn’t try to crack it open did you?” He said, “Yes. It’s all over the table and chair.” So before I even had my morning coffee, I had to wipe up a slimy egg mess. I didn’t react,I just wiped it up. He had even tried to wipe it himself with a towel, which I sort of appreciated, but it really wasn’t helpful.

We put that mess behind us and somehow became distracted looking at toy dragons on Amazon together and lost track of time. He was becoming over hungry and overstimulated from looking at my computer screen and I could tell it was going to be a downhill slide. When he starts to unravel he becomes like a fierce, fire-breathing baby dragon. I put some food in front of him to hopefully stop his emotional spiral.

He ate breakfast and then came into my bedroom very upset and dysregulated. He needed to calm his little body. For some reason I decided to sit in a meditation pose and quieted my own body first. He was still angry and started crawling under my bed. I started tapping and he yelled, “Stop moving!” I went back to my still meditation pose. I took a deep breath, and in my mind I said, “Breathe in love”. As I exhaled a deep breath out, I said to myself, “Breathe out stress.” After a few minutes I started to do some yoga poses and then ended in a child’s pose. I was feeling calm and relaxed, even with a baby dragon under my bed.

Photo by Jaymantri on Pexels.com

After just a few minutes my baby dragon slowly came out from under the bed. I stayed in my child’s pose as he grabbed pillows from my bed and laid them on top of me. After he piled 6 pillows on and around my body he climbed on top of me too. I now understand how pressure and weight can be calming, not to mention the darkness from being buried under the pillows. I could feel his small, warm hand touch mine. I grabbed it and held on.

His anger had completely disappeared in a matter of minutes. He wasn’t a baby dragon anymore. He was a happy little boy again. He asked, “Want to play?” I said, ” Sure.” So I had him lay down and put the pillows on top of him with some added pressure from my body. When he said stop, I stopped. He emerged from the pile of pillows and they scattered around us. We snuggled up in the dragon nest and just laid there together for a while breathing in this calm, quiet moment of connection.

My son is very sensitive, like myself. We take in all the commotion around us and seem to be hyper-aware of the energy of others. This little experiment was a great demonstration of the law of attraction. When you feel calm and loving your child will attract towards you with the same feelings. Your child needs you to be present and hold space for them when they are struggling. This will help them feel safe and regulate.

When you are disconnected, stressed, and not present, your child will feel the same. When he is in a state of dysregulation and then feels your stress on top of it, even if you are not aware of it, he will go into fight or flight. So, it’s really pretty simple. If you can change your energy level to a calm, positive, present state you can change your outcome to the same.

Four Steps To Calm Your BABY Dragon:

  1. BE Quiet
  2. BE STILL
  3. BE PRESENT
  4. Breathe in love

I was reading a story this afternoon with my son. It was called What Makes You Happy? It talked about all kinds of silly things that might make a kid happy. I asked my son, “What makes YOU happy?” I was shocked by his wise answer. I thought he was going to tell me riding his bike or watching his favorite show. His profound answer for a 5 year-old was, “Getting love.” Kids don’t want to make our lives hard, they just want love.

~Do Better & Shine

Little Pieces Of Joy

I used to think I was the most patient person in the world, until I had children. Maybe you are lucky and you have an easy child who listens to your every word and follows your every direction. Well, most children are not like that, especially mine. I guess you can’t consider yourself patient until you are really put to the test. Quarantine adds a whole new level, especially when we have just completed week five.

It’s been a rough week. I have a teenager who thinks he can stay up all hours of the night now. He isn’t required to be up at any certain time for Distance Learning, so his evenings are when he connects with friends and has his fun. He talks on the phone for hours on end with his headphones stuck to his ears. Friday morning he startled me out of a deep sleep by slamming the refrigerator door a bit too hard. I was not happy when I stumbled into the kitchen to find him making a mug cake in the microwave at 2 am. I gave him a glare, shook my head and went back to bed.

It took me two hours to finally fall back to sleep since I was tossing and turning in utter frustration of why he would want to stay up so late. Then as luck would have it my five year-old wakes at up at 4:30 am ready for the day to begin. I knew it was going to take a lot of work for me to survive the day. I do not do well when I don’t get enough sleep.

With everyone at home all the time there is a lot of clashing energies. Frustrations seem to build quickly. I am trying hard to keep the meltdowns to a minimum, but they still seem to happen daily. If I am not on top of my game things can spiral downward very quickly and when you get past the point of no return, it is never pretty and takes even longer to recover from the madness.

I’ve let go of a lot of expectations. The house is a mess. Kids are stressed. My husband is out of town. I can’t do it all and I am trying to be alright with that. The basement floor is covered in legos and I just have to walk away. I don’t have the strength to worry about that right now. I am taking care of myself first by writing this blog, even when there are a million other things I could be doing. My nights are for myself. I will do yoga, take a bath, read, and try to learn something new.

Today was long since I am still recovering from lack of sleep from the day before. I am beginning to get my youngest ready for bed. I gave him a bath. He still won’t let me wash his hair, but I was flexible and let it go. I brought him a warm towel and jammies from the dryer which I have never done before in my life. He loved it! He brushed his teeth after taking his time and doing it all by himself. I thought I was in the home stretch, ready to head down to bed and then he asked, “Can I have a snack?” Of course I had to say yes, in fear he might starve to death overnight, so I gave him a banana.

I thought a banana would be a quick, simple snack, and then we could be on our way to bed. When I sat down next to him at the table he quickly jumped up and went to the drawer to get a butter knife. At this point I was too tired to tell him to put it back. He peeled his banana and then began to cut it into slices. I watched patiently without saying a word. He didn’t stop there though, he then proceeded to cut each slice into tinier pieces until he had a mound of little banana pieces on his plate. After this intricate cutting work he began to slowly eat the pieces with his fork.

I just sat and watched him in amazement. He was so present in what he was doing. He actually ate the whole banana pile, which was amazing in itself for such a picky eater. After he took his last bite he looked at me proudly with a big smile on his face and said, “I was practicing my cutting!”

I could have stopped him and told him to put the knife back. I could have yelled at him for making a mess on the table and wasting time. I could have just said no. Tonight I decided to let him be in charge, maybe it was just pure exhaustion, I’m not sure, but I let him take the lead and it took a little longer, but added a spark of joy to his night. After this fun and exciting snack he happily went to bed.

Sometimes it’s the little wins that make everything seem ok. Sometimes we need to let go of the control and let our kids just be. It’s ok to let them stay up late in this unprecedented time. It’s ok for them to make mug cakes (maybe not at 2 am). It’s ok if they cut their banana into as many tiny pieces as they like.

We all need to find the little things that bring us joy right now. Not everyone will choose the same thing, but we all have something that brings us joy. Make a list and then carve out as many moments as possible throughout your day to bring the sparks on your list to life. It can be as simple as cutting a banana. It will make all the difference.

Do Better & Shine

Frustration

We all want to start our day off on a positive note. Our hope each morning is to start fresh and have a good day. I try to get myself into a good head space every morning before the hustle and bustle getting ready for school begins. It helps when you have a few quiet moments just for you. You need to take care of your own soul first before you can be present for others. That is the goal anyway.

Life in a family means you have to deal with the energy of other people. Kids often have trouble nurturing their own souls in the morning and will need you to help them. All it takes is for one person to rock the boat a little too hard. If one person lets their frustration fly it is automatically absorbed by the rest of the family. It is a constant daily battle to get everyone out the door without any chaos taking place.

My daughter couldn’t find her basketball uniform this morning in the midst of a floor full of dirty clothes. She quickly became stressed and frantic as it was already time to leave for school. Her anxious energy oozed into the pores of everyone else in the house. It’s amazing how this energy can linger in the air, even after the frustrated person is out of the house. Sometimes you don’t even realize how much it has affected you, but you know it doesn’t feel good and it wasn’t your energy to begin with.

The best way for me to get rid of too much energy from someone else is to wash it away. I decided to go take a quick shower while my youngest son colored at the kitchen table. Before I even had a chance to get in the shower I came back into the kitchen and noticed a large container of colored pencils dumped all over the table and onto the floor. Sometimes I forget that little ones need to find a way to get rid of their energy too. They often can’t do it alone and my son uses behaviors instead of words to get my attention. Spilled pencils everywhere got my attention.

At this point I am already frustrated from dealing with child one and now moving onto dealing with child 2. I asked him what happened but he felt my tension and told me he didn’t know. I angrily cleaned the pencils up and told him he was no longer allowed to use colored pencils. Ever. I brought him into the bathroom with me so we could both sit and calm down. After we both had a few minutes to sit quietly and take a deep breath he told me that he was frustrated because he started coloring his picture earlier and then he couldn’t find the same colored pencil to make it match.

I know how sensitive he can be and how stress affects kids as much as it affects adults. Understanding where his frustration was coming from, especially since I was feeling the same way allowed me to be compassionate and spend time reconnecting. As we sat and talked he asked me why his sister didn’t ask anyone to help her find her uniform. Surprised that he noticed this very important detail, I told him that was a very good question. I said, “Sometimes we just get so angry and frustrated that we don’t have the words.”

So many things can happen in our day to make us “flip our lids”. It is pretty much a given that it will happen, we just don’t know how or when. When it does happen, our brains go straight to fight, flight, or freeze. First we feel the stress (ours or someone else’s), then we get scared, then the behaviors show themselves. The stress made my daughter yell and not ask for help. The stress made my youngest son dump all the pencils out, also not asking for help. The stress made me want to run away and take a shower, when I new it was not the best time.

There are lots of things we can do to try and fix the situations above, but the reality is that frustration will keep happening on a daily basis, especially in a family. The scenarios will change, but the reactions will often stay the same. We need to be conscious of what is happening and try to stay present so we can work our way through it.

Tomorrow is a new day and once again we will start over. I will do what I need to fill my cup and take care of my soul first so I can be the presence that the rest of my family needs. This does not guarantee perfection, not even close, but after many years of searching for answers, it is the best way I have found to start making progress.

Do Better & Shine