I started quarantine so strong, but this past week I have been slowly dying. If I look closely at my behavior patterns though, I’ve been struggling far more than a week. On week one I pumped myself up for survival. I planned to go for walks twice a day, do my yoga, take my vitamins, and go to bed early. Somewhere within these past six weeks of quarantine now, my good survival habits have slowly started to die. When good habits start to die, your body will slowly follow suit.
I went from eating mostly healthy before quarantine to eating way too many frozen meals of fish sticks and french fries. I went from exercising two to three times per day to zero. I started making excuses that it is too cold outside or that I just don’t have enough time. I stopped organizing my vitamins for the week in my plastic pill container, so I just didn’t take them at all. I went from going to bed at 10 pm to going to bed after midnight every night just to get in a few blissful hours of peace and quiet.
Yesterday my body completely shut down on me. I woke up feeling dizzy, then nauseous with a bad stomach. My first thought was the virus, so I googled my symptoms. “Is dizziness a sign of Covid-19?” It didn’t come up as one of the symptoms. I felt instant relief and knew since I have barely been out of the house it was not likely. I also knew I had not been taking good care of myself and had a feeling my body was trying to get my attention. It worked.
If you’ve ever had vertigo, that’s what it felt like. I stayed in bed the entire day, too weak to move. I think it was just pure exhaustion from doing this mom gig 24/7, without even leaving the house some days for a walk. Throw in some big behaviors from my children and my husband leaving town for five days, it’s enough for anyone’s body to go into shut down. I prayed that with me in bed all day, the rest of my family could survive the day in one piece. As far as I know they did, besides maybe a little too much Tom and Jerry time for my youngest.
By dinner time I rolled out of bed and had a piece of toast. It was a beautiful sixty-five degree day outside, one of the nicest days of spring so far, and I missed it. I made some tea and went outside after dinner to get some fresh air. I vowed to myself to make some big changes. I felt horrible all day and was no good to anyone. I decided moving forward I will do everything I can to never feel that miserable again. I know I brought it on myself and I would have to make it go away by myself too.
Last night I was still really tired, even after sleeping all day. I went to bed at 10 pm instead of midnight. I have only eaten clean foods today. I took my vitamins this morning and went for a walk. I am feeling so much better and thankful it didn’t last more than 24 hours.
Thank you contrast for showing up. I needed you to wake me up and get me back on track. Contrast is never pleasant, but that’s why it works so well. I never want to go back to that feeling and I promise to listen to my body. It’s not the first time contrast has shown up in my life, it shows up often, but not always to such an extreme.
The goal is to listen right away. I let weeks go by, even though I could feel myself becoming more and more exhausted by the day. Contrast was telling me to stop drinking so much coffee and go to bed earlier, but do you think I listened? NO. Then contrast had to get nasty until it got my full attention.
I want to save the rest of you from any pain in your life. If you hear contrast gently tapping at your door, please open the door and hear what it has to say. If contrast keeps knocking and you keep ignoring it, watch out, because sooner or later it will blow your house down!
Stay healthy and take care of you!
Do Better & Shine